i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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