the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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