Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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