does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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