pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
soo... how was my night?
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