We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
