Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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