Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he shaved USA in his pubs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
