One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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