Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
