if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
