I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
