Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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