Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
