Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
