whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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