Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
