matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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