Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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