This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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