woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What a dumb baby whore.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
