It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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