I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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