watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
