Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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