Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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