I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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