Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
