Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dick very happy bro
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
