im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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