I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
