I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
