I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
