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after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
