I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Boobs are out for the taking
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
