don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
