You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
