you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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