so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
