Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
