Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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