You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
