dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
