She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
