We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
