I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sex in a hospital.. check
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
