I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
