cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
