I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
