Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
